Couples Therapy
Online counseling throughout NY State, CT, PA and CA
Contact Us for a complimentary phone consultation.
You’ve lost your connection…
“Bickering, blaming, nagging… there’s no peace in our interactions anymore.”
“I can’t seem to do anything right.”
“He’s totally absent. I feel so alone.”
“The more she pushes, the more I pull away.”
“We’re like roommates. There’s no intimacy anymore.”
Longing for more…
Our significant others have the potential to be the shelter in our lives.
When our partner is emotionally available and responsive, we feel warm, safe, and protected.
But when that bond is disrupted, we’re overcome by hurt, anger, and resentment.
It’s like you’re locked out in the cold.
The dance…
There are common patterns among couples when their emotional connection is disrupted.
The pursuer-distancer cycle…
One partner may become more demanding, critical, or clinging, trying to draw reassurance and reconnection from their partner. In response, the other partner distances or withdraws to calm and protect themselves.
Criticism and defensiveness…
In this dance, one partner criticizes or blames the other, and the other responds defensively, justifying their behavior or shutting down emotionally.
Negative interpretations…
Partners develop negative narratives about the other’s behavior, assuming the worst intentions or motivations. This escalates conflict and erodes trust within the relationship.
These dances between partners – push, pull, attack, reject – are responses to loss of connection. They are unconscious and unintentional. They threaten the relationship through toxic patterns of bickering, criticizing, nagging, blaming, ignoring, and rejecting.
The longer you flounder in emotional disconnection, the more inflamed and divisive your interactions become.
There is a way out of these toxic patterns and devastating dances.
To re-establish your emotional bond, we need to examine the dynamics of your relationship at a deep, emotional level – for both of you.
When you engage in a push-pull dance, what’s really going on?
When you criticize your partner or badger them to do a, b, or c, what do you really want or need?
What are you searching for from your partner? What do you need from them?
Maybe you really need to ask, “Are you there for me?” “Do I matter to you?” “Are my needs important to you?” or “Do you see me?”
When you pull away, isolate, or get lost in your work, maybe you’re really saying, “I don’t feel like enough for you,” “It seems like I’m always disappointing you, so I distance to protect myself,” or “I get lost in my work because at least there I can feel successful.”
Couples therapy works.
When couples are in distress, they’re starving emotionally. They’ve lost a critical source of emotional sustenance: connection with their partner.
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples helps you build and strengthen your emotional bond by accessing empathy, validation, and responsiveness to your and your partner’s needs.
You’ll be guided in expressing vulnerability, listening intently, and opening up without defense. The work goes well beyond improving communication…
It’s about reconnecting on a deep emotional level and uncovering channels to true intimacy and connection.
See your and your partner’s inner life more clearly.
When you learn to identify and express vulnerable emotions like fear, sadness, and longing, you’ll start to see patterns in your relationship that signify something deeper; you’ll see the chasm in your bond that needs to be seen, understood, and repaired.
When you understand each other’s needs, fears, and desires, you can respond to each other more effectively.
We’ll help you practice new, more positive patterns that promote emotional intimacy and connection.
Be one of the many couples helped by therapy.
Numerous studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of this kind of couple therapy, with fewer arguments, less conflict, and higher overall satisfaction compared to those who don’t do therapy or those who do a different kind of therapy.
EFT has demonstrated long-lasting effects on relationship outcomes, with couples maintaining improvements in their relationship years after completing therapy.
Let’s uncover why you’re drifting apart so you can renew your connection and restore your loving partnership.
Reach out today, and we’ll schedule your free consultation.
